My Life I just want a pain free heart

I'm coming to you writing again. If you read my blog during the time I was abroad you know my feelings and situations towards women. Just to recap. Being single forever was my biggest fear. I always felt like I would be successful my drive is to strong to struggle forever. This year who would think that I would meet a girl who I was compatible with and genuinely like. I wasn't looking for love nor a relationship. I remember the first time seeing her in person she looked way better than the Facebook and the pictures she sent me. Classic Earl style on the first date I had to show her something different that she probably never done. We went tobogganing. It was the second time going. I haven't went since I was a kid. It was fun. As time passes feelings grow and you know we get closer. I'll admit I love this girl. Just like any other relationships there are ups and downs nothin major. One of the things that was constant in our relationships was that we wasn't where we wanted to be in life as far as in our careers. I'm one to think something's take time and you have to be patient. Knowing my present situation I'm not where I want to be. It's seems like I'm living a nightmare. As I mentioned before this year has been my worse. The only bright spot was her. My finances was bad but they are about to turn around . I can't be down forever. Money doesn't bring happiness. As long as you try and put forth the effort good things are coming. God has perfect timing. So this week I get the we need a break I need time alone from you. I'll admit I'm hurt things have been going bad for having her in my life was a bright spot. So I fight for what I love I try to comfort her and talk to her to remain together but she adamant about. Thinking about it hindsight it may be good for us to focus on ourselves and not each other. Another thought is that relationships build over tough situations. Things aren't going to always be sunny. Ups and downs happen in every relationship. My philosophy is if you struggle now but you're working hard at changing and you're putting forth the effort good things are coming. I do want the best for her. I just felt like we could help each other with our own issues and survive. One other thought is if you love something or someone let it go if it comes back to you then it's yours if not then I wasn't meant to be. This was the longest relationship I've ever been in and I don't want it to end I hate goodbyes. I want to help her with her issues and be there for her,but I know sometimes people need to do things by theirselves . I felt like with her I could tell her everything things I didn't  even tell my best friend she was fun to be around even her downfalls didn't matter with me. Even when my car died I caught the bus to see her. She's the only girl I've ever did that to. Normally I could easily stop texting or calling a girl but with her it's different. She's amazing and she doesn't even know it!! Beautiful, funny, smart are a few words to describe her .  Maybe I'm writing to much maybe I shouldn't have disclosed this. Maybe she's found someone else  but I follow my heart. Maybe she'll read this maybe not but, I love her and I want the best for her it just hurts I wanna do all that mushy stuff can't get her out of my mind. I shouldn't even be doing this but I can't help it. So get yourself together so we can be together and I'll be together my situation is turning around already. It doesn't make sense to have money if you don't have nobody to spend it with. Everything happens for a reason. Only time will tell about everything . Thanks for reading… Love Rules The World I Love You DAW