My Life I just want a pain free heart

I'm coming to you writing again. If you read my blog during the time I was abroad you know my feelings and situations towards women. Just to recap. Being single forever was my biggest fear. I always felt like I would be successful my drive is to strong to struggle forever. This year who would think that I would meet a girl who I was compatible with and genuinely like. I wasn't looking for love nor a relationship. I remember the first time seeing her in person she looked way better than the Facebook and the pictures she sent me. Classic Earl style on the first date I had to show her something different that she probably never done. We went tobogganing. It was the second time going. I haven't went since I was a kid. It was fun. As time passes feelings grow and you know we get closer. I'll admit I love this girl. Just like any other relationships there are ups and downs nothin major. One of the things that was constant in our relationships was that we wasn't where we wanted to be in life as far as in our careers. I'm one to think something's take time and you have to be patient. Knowing my present situation I'm not where I want to be. It's seems like I'm living a nightmare. As I mentioned before this year has been my worse. The only bright spot was her. My finances was bad but they are about to turn around . I can't be down forever. Money doesn't bring happiness. As long as you try and put forth the effort good things are coming. God has perfect timing. So this week I get the we need a break I need time alone from you. I'll admit I'm hurt things have been going bad for having her in my life was a bright spot. So I fight for what I love I try to comfort her and talk to her to remain together but she adamant about. Thinking about it hindsight it may be good for us to focus on ourselves and not each other. Another thought is that relationships build over tough situations. Things aren't going to always be sunny. Ups and downs happen in every relationship. My philosophy is if you struggle now but you're working hard at changing and you're putting forth the effort good things are coming. I do want the best for her. I just felt like we could help each other with our own issues and survive. One other thought is if you love something or someone let it go if it comes back to you then it's yours if not then I wasn't meant to be. This was the longest relationship I've ever been in and I don't want it to end I hate goodbyes. I want to help her with her issues and be there for her,but I know sometimes people need to do things by theirselves . I felt like with her I could tell her everything things I didn't  even tell my best friend she was fun to be around even her downfalls didn't matter with me. Even when my car died I caught the bus to see her. She's the only girl I've ever did that to. Normally I could easily stop texting or calling a girl but with her it's different. She's amazing and she doesn't even know it!! Beautiful, funny, smart are a few words to describe her .  Maybe I'm writing to much maybe I shouldn't have disclosed this. Maybe she's found someone else  but I follow my heart. Maybe she'll read this maybe not but, I love her and I want the best for her it just hurts I wanna do all that mushy stuff can't get her out of my mind. I shouldn't even be doing this but I can't help it. So get yourself together so we can be together and I'll be together my situation is turning around already. It doesn't make sense to have money if you don't have nobody to spend it with. Everything happens for a reason. Only time will tell about everything . Thanks for reading… Love Rules The World I Love You DAW

Work To Live Not Live To Work

Well finals are done and I am happy last week up to now have been crazy. On Friday I got some good news that I would be starting a new job at the same company. However the next night it would be a first for me. From my previous post you should know that I'm car less. So I have two jobs in Cleveland so it just makes sense to spend more time there. So I spend more time over to my mother house. So Saturday night I'm walking from Shaw and Euclid. I'm walking down Shaw. I see these young kids maybe 16 or 15 like a group of 10 of them. So you know me I eager to get home and I walk fast anyway. So I cross the street to walk by myself. Next thing I know I'm getting apporached by them. I'm thinking fight or flight. So one kid comes up I punch him. The next thing I know four of them rush me. My 400$ glasses break I'm salty to make it even worse I'm on the ground in the fetile position trying to protect my grill. These kids trying to take my wallet. Next thing I know they leave. Luckily these two girls scared them off.
This is crazy yall know my situation from previous blogs. How does this happen?? I'm to myself not trying to bother nobody. Not to mention I'm 28 and this is the first time I've ever been jumped. I felt like jody on baby boy. I know that God doesn't put more on you that you can't bear but I've been through a lot in just a few months. Today was cool one of my good friends treated me to Wally's Waffle. I must say the chicken and waffles were delicious. I heard a quote today that I like Work To Live Not Live To Work and it makes sense. I know there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I just can't wait till I get to that light cause what I'm going through sucks... It seems like nothing in my life is going right. Relationships are shaky I almost feel like I'm in this battle by myself. Who can I count on who will be there through the end with me??? I know I have flaws we all do I just want the best for myself and everyone around me. This time last year I mentioned how I thought I would end up single I don't think that way now. The one thing I will mention is a relationship looks much easier than it is dealing with emotions feelings and just learning your counterpart. When you really care for that person You're willing to put up with things trying to make the relationship work. My thoughts have always been if you can stick with me threw the bad times the good times are coming. I believe when times are rough that time is really building the foundation of the relationship if its going to last and if you can make through that then anything is possible...

Present day

I've been gone for a week or so a lot has been going on . First I have been sick. Who would figure once the weather gets better I get sick. Right before I know it this is the end of the semester and I'm not ready I have several papers to write and less than a week to get it done. I already know there will be a few night where I'm not going to sleep , but that's OK. Today when I was going home a friend of mine mentioned a good remark. She said she couldn't wait to get paid because this check is all hers. So I thought to myself. When was the last time I had a check which I didn't have to pay any bills. It's been too long. I know better than this but it just seems like I keep on getting in situations where I have to live paycheck to paycheck and my philosophy is you will eventually loose if you keep on with that strategy. I'm so happy that after this week my Spanish degree will be finished and I will be two classes away from my psychology degree. This semester have been long and hard just so many outside issues. It's getting late and I need to sleep I will post something new later on this week. Everyone take care and God bless....